A Great Place for All: Buddy Buddy (21.25)
2021 May 15 (Essay: 21.25 Buddies)
Welcome to column 21.25, and thanks again for reading, subscribing, and sharing. This column is part of my quest for a unified world and country that can become a better (make that .. Great) place for all.
As I have written in 21.2, Reflection on Groups, we know that human beings ally themselves with their groups. In companies, in our government and in our favorite team (baseball, football, religious sect). When I see how the Republicans are supporting Trump, we should not be surprised - they are circling around him tighter and tighter, not letting anyone out without being torn to shreds.
People love seeing that tight knit group. They can be envious, even if they don’t like what they believe. People love to be part of a group and want to follow the norm of their groups and yet when do each of us become willing to stray from the norm? Liz Cheney tried to form a related group to no avail. When do our personal beliefs (see below from Robert Burton on beliefs) pull us away from the norm and when do we pull away so much that we leave the group? What do we hope for in our groups and what is reality?
I remember the movie Serpico (Al Pacino) wherein it was stated that 10% of cops will be honest no matter what, 10% dishonest and the trick is having the 80% in the middle do the right thing. Today I was reminded that studies have been shown that no means (e.g therapy, hallucinogens) can convert 10% of addicts, and interestingly I read recently that 10% of the time we are not ego driven (meaning 90% of the time we are), and the book Freakonomics noted when left alone with bagels, 85% of employees would pony up 25 cents if no one was watching. My point is that we hope that our behavior supports our ego in support of the groups we value (follow) which our ally-ship considers the “right” thing. Sometimes we forget that the leaders just want followers but don’t want to their “right”thing might be different from what we hope for.
I believe these ego-driven dichotomies extend to work and our society. What will and won’t you do for your company, team, family, friends, favorite group: church, veterans, football team, NRA, nation, covid-19 fearers, or a group allied with your heritage?
When I was 10 years old I was friends with a boy named Barry who was friends with several other boys including Matt. Matt’s birthday was coming up and I was invited to his party - little did I know at the request of his mother and not Matt. I was shunned by Matt, Barry and the quorum (a.k.a. group) just as Summer was starting. It was a lonely summer - I must have been a crappy friend! I suspect Matt wanted to feel more powerful with his friends and pushing out Barry’s other friend was a way to show power. I feel power is a by-product of our fear of irrelevance / insecurities (per 21.2 Act from Fear).
I worked at a Fortune 2000 firm in the 1990s where there were 3 women Directors in technology (a rarity then and a rarity now) - the women were all well-educated and smart - and they formed their allied group that did some good things but more bad; think 100 feet long speed boat going 40 mph in a 10 mph zone - the wake was out of balance - their actions did not include the rest of the team nor the customers. A year later I was gone and 2 years later they were too.
Trying to rationalize with their group was nearly impossible - they had power and their approaches lacked learning what the customer wanted and their VP (a Haverford-educated man) was bright but clueless when it came to perceiving intent of others - he too was jettisoned 2 years later.
Fast forward 15 years and I was at a west coast Utility (working as a consultant) and 3 allied men (all friends from a big 4 consulting firm and less intelligent than the 3 women noted above) conspired to help each other be promoted with nearly the same results. Try as we might, individuals and small sub-groups rarely diminish the larger groups (a team versus a corporation, a company from larger society) but there are exceptions: Franco rose to power by luring others and Purdue Pharma’s ownership (Sackler family) has still not had to pay a price for OxyContin’s past and current addictive formula which was allied with leading-edge lobbying and salesmanship.
Will we accept failings of our current and future leaders and products when they are dangerous -even if we know they are now? We all hope that nothing is dangerous think: Thalidomide, DDT, RoundUp (Glyphosate), Uranium mining, but the reality is often different.
When do your alliances become like an addiction? Who and what (people, products) will you shun or embrace? When we will you seek to honor what you have learned and go down a different path? When do your learnings come from a place of deep thought, analysis and relating similar and disparate information? When will you communicate your doubt about the path of others - those outside of your group or those inside your groups of choice? What holds you back? What is it about yourself that you won’t admit to yourself?
As I wrote above, “What will and won’t you do for your” favorite alliances?
Thanks for reading and until next time!
Joyously,
Richard at richardferdman@substack.com
Books, Articles and Podcasts inspiring this or referenced within include: You are Not so smart 204 with Robert Burton, Freakonomics, Serpico, Righteous Mind from Jonathan Haidt, Egypt: Archeology of a revolution, Deviate, Leavenworth prisoners, Sharing Clinical trials, Fake meat, Glyphosate, Hadza, Empire of Pain: Sackler family, Church Rock/ Uranium
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All content above is © Richard Ferdman 2021, Photo below is my mother from 1931.
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